The domestic violence program of the Dayton Municipal Court Probation Department.

Intervention for Men

Because the vast majority of domestic violence is committed by men against women in heterosexual relationships, this program has been developed for men.

Do you have a problem with abuse?

· Have you ever hit, grabbed, restrained, or threatened your partner, or scared or intimidated her in other ways?

· Have you seen fear in her eyes, or has she shown it in other ways?

· Maybe she has told you she was afraid of you.

· Do you call her names, or say other things that hurt her feelings?

· Do you often pressure her to do things your way, even if she doesn't want to?

· Does she tell you that you are trying to control her life?

· After you’ve abused her, do you consider it her fault?

· Do you blame it on alcohol, stress, or family problems?

· Have you cheated on her?

· Have you ever been accused of mistreating your children?

· Has your partner talked to you about jealous or possessive behavior?

If your answer is "yes" to any of these questions, you have a problem with abuse. Our program can help you, but only if you are willing to honestly. look at your behavior and work at changing it. Our experience shows that once a man begins to abuse in any of these ways, the problem will likely get worse. Men sometimes feel guilty and apologetic after an abusive incident, and may promise themselves and their partners that they will change. Unfortunately, we have found that even with the best intentions, men do not stop being abusive without outside assistance.

Our Program teaches you:

· That you are 100% responsible for your behavior.

· That abuse is used to control her.

· That abuse is a choice and you can choose not to be abusive, regardless of how you
are feeling.

· To practice new ways of communicating with your partner and your children.

· To identify the effects of your abuse on your partner and others.

· To work toward changing attitudes and beliefs that lead to abusive behavior.

Who comes to STV?

We have individuals from a variety of incomes, occupations, and ethnic and racial backgrounds. Some men have been repeatedly physically violent, while others have primarily used mental and verbal abuse. What the men have in common is that they abuse women and have an interest in changing.

STV groups are appropriate for men 18 years of age or older. We make every effort to accommodate men with other special physical or language needs.

STV is a court-mandated program. Those attending must be on Supervised Probation to Dayton Municipal Court and reporting regularly to a specialized Domestic Violence Officer.

Failure to use the program appropriately will result in your probation being revoked.

How STV works

Groups meet once a week for approximately two hours. The program is 16-24 weeks depending on the progress that the individual is willing to make. Each group has a male and female co-facilitator and approximately fifteen members.

The Stages

The First Stage is an eight-session educational group, where you are:

· Evaluated for your suitability for the program

· Required to describe your abuse

· Introduced to the basic concepts of domestic violence

During this phase, we contact your partner or previous partner to provide information about STV and answer her questions. We do not ask her to participate in your educational process.

In the Second Stage group, you:

· Develop non-controlling ways of interacting with women

· Challenge your attitudes and beliefs that have supported abuse

· Confront all minimizing, denying and blaming

· Relate your own experiences and insights to assist other men to change

Taking a Proper Time-Out The Non Controlling Way

1. What is a Proper Time-Out?

A Time-Out is physically removing yourself from a situation in which you are likely to become abusive.

2. How do I take a Proper Time-Out?

· Notice when you are thinking and feeling like you have in the past when you have hurt your partner (triggers and cues).

· Let your partner know you want a Time-Out.

· Go to a place where you can be alone.

· Do something to distract your negative thoughts. There will be time for you to think about what is bothering you when you are in a better state of mind.

· When you have changed your negative thoughts go back home, ask your partner if this is a good time to talk. Either way, respect her thoughts and feelings.

3. What if my partner doesn't want me to leave?

Tell her that you must go to get yourself together. Assure her that you are taking a Proper Time-Out.

No matter what; do not put your hands on her.

Some Examples of Improper Time-Outs:

1. Using any kind of abuse before leaving
2. Leaving to avoid hearing her opinions
3. Trying to make her mad
4. Leaving her stranded (no money, food, diapers.)
5. Acting suspicious in anyway
6. Threatening to not come back

Information for Women

During business hours call STV Staff and speak with your partner's group leaders if you have any concerns, but it also may be helpful for you to have a more regular source of support. We have found that shelters and support programs for battered women are the best resources available. They can provide emergency shelter and counseling. They also provide emotional support and an opportunity to talk with other women who are, or have been, in the same situation. Battered women's hotlines are also a great source of support because you do not have to plan ahead. You can just call when you need to talk. The vast amount of calls are not emergencies. You can call Artemis Center For Alternatives to Domestic Violence at the following numbers 24 hours a day.

For more information about STV call: (937) 333-4386

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